There's no place like HOME
I have shared this before, but so far Josh and I have found the adoption process to be a much harder road than expected. Coming off a long season of infertility, we felt relief, heard the call to adopt, and believed that our child was somehow more tangible now. Although adoption is something we feel called to do and know God's grace is sufficient for us in our hardship, we are reminded over and over again that adoption comes out of deep brokenness. As we review potential adoption cases, our hearts are heavy and grieved by the heartache these birth families have been and are going through. Many have no support system and were not mothered or loved well. There is nothing natural about adoption and giving up a child. Suffering has been so magnified as we read these cases, that it is easy to feel crushed by the weight of it and guilty if we feel called to say "no" to a case.
I read a quote from an adoption journal this morning, "You are uncomfortable with the brokenness because you were made for another place." This is so true and I can say that suffering has deepened my longing for the New Jerusalem. For wholeness. For deep rest. Shalom. This world will not satisfy our deepest longings. This side of heaven, we will get glimpses of redemption and beauty that point to the greater reality of what is to come, but is not yet. As we build our nursery and make preparations for baby flay's arrival, we are excited about making a place of safety and enjoyment for baby flay. We are hopeful that we will experience glimpses of beauty and connection that we long to have with our child. Ultimately, however, we know that we are not enough and we cannot offer everything our child needs. She/He needs a much bigger savior, protector, father, and mother. Only Jesus can heal the brokenness within and around us. HE IS OUR HOME.