Letting the Dream In
Updated: May 20, 2019
It is with great excitement and hope that Kara and I were able to spend some quality time together registering items for baby flay. It was such a joyful and hopeful experience to realize our reality as we planned for the safety of our child (as we considered car seats) and the nourishment of baby flay with bottles and feeding accessories. This is happening!
It was a fun day today and I can't wait for the first time we get to put a little sock on baby flay as we dress him or her. The first time I have to put on a burp cloth. The first time I have to change a diaper (while probably wearing a gas mask... easy gag reflex). The first time I get to look into baby flay's eyes and say "you are mine". As cases are emailed to us, we have to make a conscious decision about adopting that child. Unfortunately, we are unable to say "Yes" to any case right now because we don't have the money yet, but we trust in God's goodness and mercy. We trust He will provide and I believe He took great pleasure in experiencing us enjoying ourselves shopping around for the child that He will give to us.
Personally, however, I fear too much that something will go awry causing us to be childless the rest of our life; so for a long time I gave up hope that we would be parents. Even at the start of the adoption process I was worried this would fall apart as some other adoptions have. I was afraid my hopes would just let me down and by extension God would let me down. But seeing adoption cases emailed to us weekly made me realize wow, this could really happen soon; and so we thought we better start getting ready. Consequently, my dream came alive again as the reality set in that this is truly happening. So I choose to dream and hope for the best because clamming up and fearing for the worst is miserable.